Vomit alert: “Personalized” Love Songs

I was farting around on Facebook and saw a text-ad for personalized love songs. The cost? $299. WTF?

Though I would never, ever, ever spend money on a personalizing a love song, I was curious just what was up. So I visited TailoredMusic.com. It’s pretty much as expected—a flash header with a slideshow of “romantic” scenes (an all-hetero, all-smiling rotation of schmaltz culled from some stock photo house) and marketing mumbo-jumbo that claims that custom-tailored music is the “ultimate romantic gift.”

You can choose a song from a number of genres from Piano Ballad to Folk Waltz (though, surprisingly, no thrash metal) and edit lyrics as required (like a sappy Mad Libs). Here is a verse from the Piano Ballad:

“Close your eyes and come with me
I will show you how love should be
Take my hand and don’t be scared
Because I promise that I’ll be there”

My. God. Shoot me now.

But, you do deserve a listen to the “experimental” genre. I’m not sure what I would think if I had this song recorded for me:

“What’s in that upside-down smile
Stay with your eyes full of spring
And a heart full of sadness”

Sounds more like the kind of thing you would send to someone you’re about to dump. Which might be worth the $299.